You are blocking your own success. You have blind spots in your view and evaluation that you are barely aware of that are causing your reactions and affecting your ability to make the best decisions. Unless you address these your life and success will always be limited by this blindness. Blind spots occur from your upbringing, mainly inherited by your parents and authority figures and then compounded throughout life as you encountered evidence that bucked the beliefs. While many of your coping strategies are helpful, those that are not will create limits and stop you from succeeding.
Recognition is key to overcoming these obstacles in your thinking. Your emotions will clearly indicate the areas that your thoughts are limiting your success and distorting your view of how you are currently resolving challenges. Any situation you approach where you compare yourself to other be it with strength, knowledge or skill and judge yourself as superior or inferior is a clear indication of where you have blind spots and distortion in your thinking and decision making. These are referred to as ego-states, where being right is more important to you than mutual gain and objectivity.
Ego-states give you a false sense of security that your judgment is correct but fails to see the big picture. It’s a short-sighted approach that cripples your potential growth by limiting your view of the full situation and so restricting your ability to learn and develop.
When your approach is limited by your ego-state, you miss the value and the benefits. You get distracted in the interactions to prove yourself, rather than apply the skills of the learner mind states that help you extract meaning from any given situation and challenge. This meaning is what breaks the negative patterns from repeating and gives you resilience to recover from setbacks to move into more promising future opportunities.
Negative emotions of fear, anger, offense, and self-belittlement come from three general ego-states that dismiss the ability of yourself or others to be resourceful and make healthy decisions. These can be categorised as persecutor, rescuer, and victim and these mentalities in any form create obstacles to learning and the benefits of learning.
This mentality of competition with a motivation to win at the cost of another is the essence and foundations of manipulation, politics, and poverty in all their forms. As a society, we have misunderstood the celebration of success. True winning is not at the cost of other participants but at the application of the positive behaviours that deliver the maximum benefit of learning. Be it by an athlete or a market-leading business, this type of success is a learning process that brings mutual gain and progress to everyone.
The moment you take your focus off your own progress only to be better than another is when you lose sight of the true goal. Learning mind states and their associated behaviours enable you to stay in your focus and discover your own, personal and unique combination of strategies that bring you successes. The repeated application of which improves your potential and performance in ways that are not comparative to other people or other businesses.
As you perform and gain from successfully applying learning mind states instead of navigating the win-lose games of the ego-states, you will discover new traits, strengths, and abilities that bring you new opportunities and progressively fewer limitations. In a sense, this is a methodology that uses the capacity to learn as a self-success or self-coaching system where engagement, satisfaction, and reward are not limited by others. Limiting and detrimental situations where you would normally be helpless become temporary chances to learn and grow.
As you develop the ability to recognise the ego states in others, you will become less self-absorbing of the judgment of others. You will recognise their blind spots as their limitations and not yours. You can continue to move forward with your own determined momentum and motivation.
It is very possible, through purposeful and repeated practice of the learning mind states, that you grow out of the negative patterns that used to limit you. Like ex-smokers who no longer understand the attraction of tobacco, your mind outgrows old patterns of thinking and favours the new, more healthy growth and supports that with new neural pathways. It is a continual process that happens naturally and supports our mental health.
This is not an approach to apply positive thinking but a system of feeding your mind with new information, understanding the value of that information and being able to create important meaning out of it which enables you to act in a different, more beneficial way. This process is limitless in its application. The more you do it, the more you grow and obstacles that previously would stop your action become challenges that teach you more resources.